The Human Ego - Attack and Defence against Narcissism – The ultimate enemy to your spiritual growth. Part 2.
- mathewrhyswalker
- May 13, 2024
- 10 min read
Updated: Aug 17, 2024
To swiftly recap on part 1:
* Narcissism is the ultimate enemy to spiritual growth, particularly if one is encroaching on your life to make you their next victim, or flying monkey
* Narcissism is nothing more than an illness characterised by an over-inflated sense of self-worth and value, to mask a very deep trauma of vulnerability and feeling of worthlessness
* Classic behaviours of these abusers is: Seduction, love-bombing, persuasion, isolationism, control, exploitation, manipulation, gas lighting, deflection, hypocrisy, smear-campaigns, neediness and finally, victim blaming
* To protect yourself in a non-magickal context, learn to recognise the early signs, establish self-care, establish strong boundaries and ensure when you say: "No", you mean it, ignore and stay away from any drama or childish attention seeking, be assertive but not empathic to them
To expand a little on the types of narcissism, I have included 5 common types, and 5 less common types, all of which are different, but the behaviours are essentially the same, just in different contexts.
Top 5 types of Narcissism:
Overt - This manifestation of narcissism is essentially the more elaborate, and more extroverted narc who believes and presents themselves as having accomplished more, as having the best car, the most worthy degree, or cause. They will quickly deflect critism rather than becoming incredibly affected by it, because after all, that is deflection for you.
Covert - This is a pretty bad form, because these abusers are nice, "ordinary" people in public and their covertness, or subtlety, is what makes people not even notice that they are an abuser "at home", or out of sight of others who are not part of the target group. In terms of comparison, they are often very envious of others, especially other people's success and happiness because it is what they want, but do not have the "confidence" to get out there and earn it or display it.
Malignant - In a nutshell, these people take pleasure in their mistreatment of other people, I will not use a real based example, but I have seen this before from a member of management and it is utterly appalling as you can see the joy they take in mistreating their "competition", they do not even try and hide their cruelty or attempts to hurt others.
Communal - A communal narcissist is a person with this self-centred condition but manifests this in public as essetially being a saint, the biggest do-gooder, the most charitable, the most pious church goer and so on, however their hypocrisy is that it is not genuine, it is all about their own supply from others' praise, their behaviour never aligns to the virtues they speak.
Antagonistic - The antagonist always sees other people as rivals and as per, sees the worst in them, there is no support, empathy or fairness as they go to any lengths to prove that they are better than you. One thing they love is conflict, they thrive on arguments and putting you in "your place".
Some sub-categories of Narcissism:
Spiritual - This type of narcissist is someone who is self-righteous, they always use scripture to control or condemn others while leaving their own image and "morality" unscathed and unnoticed by others, as they highlight the flaws of another person. Ironically, they do not actually care or submit to their "God" and the teachings as they are often contrary to the narc, as they are based on treating others with love, respect and empathy. Qualities they lack. It can often manifest in priest/esses and teachers/leaders as a need to completely control the development of another, you are not allowed to go beyond the scope or develop unless in their company and under their control, they always find justification such as - "You can open yourself up to idolatry", or "You will invite demons into your life". Etc...
Cerebro - A cerebro narcissist is a person that has developed their intellect to a fairly reasonable standard, but rather than using it to guide or better others or society as a whole, they use it as a reminder - and have no problem letting you know this - that they are much better than you. This can be a PhD to High School graduate, or even talk at a dinner table, they have no problem telling you when you are being stupid, and not because your silliness may erupt the table into laughter, but because they genuinely think it.
Somatic - Somatic narcissism is essentially all to do with the body, all to do with image, this manifests as wanting the perfect thighs, an 8 pack, having a very healthy diet, condemning those who are "Fat", or who smoke, or drink, or essentially have vices that this person does not share. Joy from self-imposed beauty standards that mean nothing to others is more important than enjoying the variety of one of our most primal activities - sharing good food, healthy and unhealthy. A reminder here is it is ok to pursue a nice body, to give up vices, but it is the condemnation of others that highlights the distinction here.
Exhibitionist - An exhibitionist refers to the strong desire to seek out what all narcs crave - attention, at all costs. I have seen it myself, the moment a few colleagues or a group of friends, or lads at the pub appear, they absolutely have to show off, be the centre of attention, the loudest, the funniest, the silliest, the chattiest, they often perceive anyone who is neutral or "not amused" as a possible threat.
Vindictive - Similarly to the malignant narcissist, this category of people will not only take joy in your down fall or complete destruction, they actively go out of their way to sabotage your career, your relationship, anything that you love they seek to exact revenge upon. But this is not revenge from anything you have done, other than being perceived as a threat by their irrational mind. You often have something that they want, and dirty tricks and lies are the only tool their mind can conjure.
Magickal steps to walk away from a narcissist, to heal and to love yourself again:
1. Cut cording - Cords are energetic connections that people make between themselves through intimacy, or through energy workings such as healing - which are always severed post treatment. You can sense them by doing "Psychic scanning", so enter into a meditative state and slowly glide your hand 2-3 inches above your body and when you become relaxed enough, you will feel this cord. Sometimes you will intuitively know to whom you are or have been tied to against your will. Another sign is that you just cannot let that ex go, you just cannot stop thinking about them, it is because energy transfers between the two of you for the duration of this attachment. Be sure to severe it for all ex partners to be able to move forward.
How to severe them? Use your will, your intention and belief and either run a blade several inches above and along your body and see it severing these cords of energy, affirm this as well though with words, such as: "I hereby severe this unhealthy energy cord to (name)". You can ask your spirit guides or the Archangel Michael to shine forth and severe the cord for you and feel that tug as their sword strikes down and through the unhealthy attachment.
2. Binding and banishing spell - Another important factor, is the no contact rule, hey, help yourself along and perform a binding and banishing spell. Get a piece of paper, black thread, a black ink pen and a black candle. Write the abusers name on the paper along with:
"I bind you (name),
From causing further harm,
From creating further discord,
From harming my beloved (name),
By the power of Fire you are warned,
By the power of Air you are held back,
By the power of Water you are washed away,
By the power of Earth you are bound elsewhere"
Usually, a spell would end with "Harming none" or some other affirmation, but the entire spell ensures this so it is not necessary. Fold the piece of paper three times and as you tie the black thread around the paper, say the spell above three times towards the centre like wings closing, and visualise black light or black rope tieing around them to keep them bound. Then pour some black candle wax onto the scroll to seal the folded edges, when you have finished this spell and visualisation, say: "So mote it be!". Then bury it away from your home.
3. Protection - The above techniques are very powerful when used together but you still need protection after breaking free and trying to banish them. My previous post on protection magick has techniques that you can use to protect yourself from getting sucked back into their manipulations. However here is a useful protection, purchase or craft a beautiful blue candle and dedicate it to your protection or that of another by holding it in your hands and say:
"I hereby dedicate this candle to the protection,
Of (myself/relative/friend) to the fullest,
To protect them from harm and bane,
To protect them from hatred and shame,
O' beloved ancestors/angels,
According to the highest will,
Shine forth with courage,
Blessed Be"
See this lovely candle filling with light and feel the electricity coming down from the heavens and blessing it. Each day you can light this blue candle and either pray for your own, or the victim's protection each day, or just before events that you know may cause harm to yourself or your beloved. Blessed protection my dears.
4. Finding inner strength again - I do love having a variety of tools to utilise in my Craft as and when I feel so inclined, you can have many tools, or few tools, your love, light and will is what effects change. Three beautiful crystals and spirits that you can partner with and use in a charm bag are:
Red Jasper - A beautiful, deep red crystal that not only grounds you to Mother Earth, which will help calm the anxiety from your abuse, it will help bring forward a sense of calm as you root yourself into a good life again.
Black Tourmaline - A deep stone of protection, this crystal helps to envelope you in her dark cloth, hidden away from harm so you may go about your life.
Tiger's Eye - This gorgeous crystal with gold and brown stripes is the perfect stone for courage, after taking a battering from a narc, you will not realise immediately that your self-esteem has just taken one hell of a battering, and you may now feel alone without the narc to depend upon - which is what their conditioning does, so take the Tiger's Eye courage and empower yourself each day.
Keep these stones out of direct sunlight, do not wash them, but cleanse them by moving them through the smoke of a burning, cleansing incense such as Sage, Lavender or Rosemary and to charge them, every Full Moon put them on the windowsil out of their bag to soak up the etheral Lunar energies of the Goddess. When you are ready, place them into a charm bag and say:
"I call upon the Red Jasper,
I dig up the Black Tourmaline,
I roar to the Tiger's Eye,
Shine forth dear spirits,
Rise from our beloved Earth,
And bless these crystals,
And my charm bag before you,
To help me/my beloved to heal,
Thank you. Blessed Be"
You may now carry this bag daily or keep it under your pillow at night to allow the energies to infuse into your being to help you to heal.
5. Learning to love yourself again - Some helpful tips on this journey at on my page on "Self-preservation through self-love" for the magick to love yourself again. Take your time. And be gentle.
Closing thoughts:
As the victim:
1. Do not feel guilty for what you think was "abandoning" your loved ones, you did not, you were drawn away in a very subtle, and often threatening way, not necessarily physical, but mentally and emotionally.
2. Your family and friends do not love you any less, though they may query where you disappeared too, sometimes assuming you were "loved up", they should be willing to listen, to reconnect, and to re-ignite your spirit.
3. There is no shame in what you went through, the shame belongs to the narc for mistreating you.
4. You do not actually need them, they need you, so after their silent treatment, after what was likely a nuclear break up, when they crave their narcissistic supply, they may get back in touch, it is only about themselves, not you, so no-contact them, do not feel bad and move forward. You deserve it.
As the relative/friend:
As you can see, a lot can be said about narcissists, possibly the only truth about them that they would feel good about, if they did not have such massive gaps in their own self-awareness. If you have a loved one who is under the thrall of a narcissist, you really ought to keep in mind the following until they break free:
1. It's not their fault, they are being manipulated to orbit the narcissist and has been re-conditioned to believe every little lie that they are told, remember they will always be your (relation).
2. Remind the victim of how amazing life is outside of the abusive relationship - but don't say it! While this could in turn create a torsion in the person's psyche, they must not be allowed to forget their "Old life" while they are being mistreated.
3. A check in with the victim can go a long way, and while depending on the severity of the narcissistic control, it could cause a reaction from the narc. be sure to politely, though of course, insincerely tell your relation to pass your well wishes onto them, too. This will give them a moment of "supply" so they do not abuse their victim.
4. Ensure, that despite how hurt you may feel in one regard that they have distanced themselves from you - simply for peace from their abuser - that the door is always open. Most narcissistic relationships fail because the narc. will eventually run out of their supply and get "bored" of their latest toy, until they feel compelled, and justified, to seek out another. The victim will be reluctant, but it will take a lot of courage for them to return so welcome them with love and open arms.
5. For yourself, just hold out hope and look forward to the one day that they will return. I, myself, currently have a friend or two in this predicament, and all I can do is hold space for them and have them know the door is always open as they will be consumed by guilt and shame for their trauma and behaviour. Bless them.
With all of the love of the Gods,
Blessed Be, Mat. XxX
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