Healing the Shadow self
- mathewrhyswalker
- Sep 1, 2024
- 8 min read
What is Shadow work? Or healing the Shadow self?
Following on from "Aligning with your Lower / Shadow self" is the discussion on how you can begin your Shadow healing journey, ensuring you have appropriate techniques and support if necessary.
Shadow work is exploring the inner most hidden part of yourself, the emotional realm, which some have come to call the unconscious mind, encountering these memories and emotions head on in an attempt to heal and release them. Recapping on how this mind or aspect of ourselves is different is that it is our animalistic aspect, which means that it does not communicate with words or similar expressions, it communicates with symbols, images, impulses, sensations and needs. This is why it is particularly important to pay attention to this part of ourselves in our everyday life, but especially after you begin this journey, it is because a deeper part of yourself is communicating something to your rational mind.
What to expect?
- Emotional volatility, including projecting this outward
- A string of different emotions in a short-time as memories resurface
- Incredibly vivid dreams, not limited to but could include nightmares
- A greater psychic awareness or intuitive prompting
- A greater need or craving for creature comforts and other feel good triggers
- An enormous relief when you finally choose to release a certain emotion/memory
Manifestations of suppressing the Shadow self for too long. When the Shadow comes calling!
Rather than writing a few sentences on what may happen I will note some manifestations and comment on them and how this will present in you if you trigger these parts of yourself for healing.
Projection - A classic here is projection, what you see or dislike in yourself you then recognise in another and either judge them for it, instead of yourself or you simply distract away from that quality in yourself
Uncontrollable or new anger - We all get angry from time to time, and we do sometimes have legitimate triggers, such as injustices, but when this anger feels nuclear, particularly from something miniscule, or it feels uncontrollable, it is the Shadow self screaming for attention
OCD - You can argue and say this is quite egoic behaviour, the need to control, but it is not the need to control others, but the environment around you, because you are not able to at that moment recognise the Shadow, or want to work with it, you will project the need for control outside yourself
Anxiety - One defining quality of acute or chronic anxiety is a constant feeling of being unsettled, or ungrounded, due to the rising Shadow saying "Enough is enough! I can't take this anymore!", we then question why we are emotionally unsettled or upset by the same old social norms or banter we have always been subjected to and given to others, this could be why
Depression - Depression is another classic example of unresolved emotions that have built such presence it makes it very hard for the sufferer to feel anything else, particularly feelings such as joy, love and connection to others
Lack of faith in your own creativity - Every single person has some degree of creativity they just need to find it, to have a lack of faith suggests previous criticisms or toxic phrases that make you feel like you must be a certain way to have flare
Feelings of worthlessness - This awful emotion is definitely something that is held in the Shadow self but is not shy about popping up often, such as with the refusal to social gatherings, love or even the rightful place somewhere
Self-sabotage - Behaviours that result in self-sabotage are usually a manifestation of a toxic belief in the unconscious mind, such as not believing you deserve true love or joy due to conditioning or a traumatic experience you believed was your own fault, and you outplay the behaviours that ensure you never get it
Drugs / Alcohol to numb the pain - This is a classic, some people drink for fun, due to boredom, but some people drink a bit too much, or drink to black out, subconsciously this is a desire to numb the emotions of the deeper, Shadow self that rears its head and these people cannot handle the intensity without support
These are just some of the tell tale signs that the Shadow self is rising to alert our conscious mind that it cannot take anymore, and release is needed.
Others are the mirror for your own need for healing
One of the most amazing things about human psychology and spiritual healing is that more often than not, others are a mirror for our own healing some times, for example if you are particularly envious of another person and their rewards, ask yourself "Why do I feel this way?". Another is not liking the way another person looks or dresses, your Shadow self may have the answer "It's because I/We did not have this courage and have missed our chance". It has nothing whatsoever to do with the other person.
Use other people not as a projection board, or as a target for your emotional disturbances, but as opportunities to learn which parts of yourself need some serious healing, which will in turn bring you much peace.
Is now the time? Do's and Dont's.
Only you can answer this question, like other human or spiritual experiences, the knowledge or awareness will just hit you like a brick. It will ideally be at a very stable time in your life with very few stresses, or better yet, none at all.
Things you should do to prepare:
- Establish a support network, either professionally or familiars such as family and / or friends
- Establish healthier eating, exercise and meditation programmes to help you cope with the negative emotions that will surface
- Get a journal and begin to write down about your memories and emotional experiences
Things you should NOT do to prepare:
- Do not enter into a new romantic relationship as you will not perceive the Shadow self well as you are swept up in feel good rushes, and them bam, something explosive happens
- Do not undertake any new projects, tasks at work, or renovations during this time as they will either add stress to your journey or you will project it
- Do not undertake this just because your friends or class mates are, it is deeply personal
How to begin this healing journey?
Step 1 is to ensure that all of your preparation is done and that you have the correct people and things in place to support your journey
Step 2 is to check in with yourself emotionally and assess the stressors in your life and how you can manage those during your journey
Step 3 is to set forth your intention by quite literally telling your Shadow self that you intend to work through your traumas and begin to heal, you can write this in a letter with a candle lit and then burn it to release it to the cosmos too
Step 4 can be to invoke spirit allies or deities to help release these emotions and inspire how you can navigate them fully. Got friends in higher places? There is no harm petitioning them for some pleasant support, too.
A final comment is DO NOT be hard on yourself, shame yourself and your Shadow and DO NOT beat yourself up for your past issues or how you act when you resolve them providing you are doing no harm. Self-reflection allows us to see what is toxic and what is not.
One memory at a time, or one emotion at a time
The importance of Shadow work is not to work on too many issues at once, many things in life are intertwined but you would not want to navigate extremely traumatic events all at once. Otherwise you will not know which way is up nor will you have the strength to truly heal. You can assign one negative emotion per month, or one relation per week and any difficulties you have had with them in the past or some other method.
Typical stages of Shadow experiences
The usual Shadow healing sequence is as follows:
1. Memory exposure - Upon seeking support and setting the mood, no pun intended, a traumatic memory will surface, somewhat hazy too perhaps but re-live the memory
2. Emotional overwhelm - You will then quite likely become emotionally overwhelmed, and this will be more intense this time as you are specifically trying to heal the Shadow self
3. Negative emotions - After the initial emotional tsunami, you will likely sit in one predominant emotion at that point, be it hatred, shame, despair or betrayal, allow yourself to feel it fully in connection to this memory
4. Unsettlement - Now that you are sitting in this space, you will feel totally unsettled, but fight the urge to just "Get over it" or think "I can't do this", it is hard, but live it for a time otherwise you are re-suppressing it
5. Reflection - Reflect emotionally and rationally on the experience, seek out either the lesson from the experience or reflect on what events led to it, what triggered or caused the other person to hurt you and your own reactions
6. Release - Now is one of the most challenging parts and that is releasing the emotional burden that comes with the experience. I was once asked "How do you know when you've healed from ....?", I said "It is when you no longer feel emotionally triggered by it". So you need to enact some gesture and words that help you to release it. We Witches typically perform a spell casting, but you can simply write it down, feel all of the emotions moving from your body into the paper, set it alite and say:
"I release this (burden),
Into the sacred ether,
And now I am free,
For peace to find me,
Harming none,
So mote it be"
This is essentially a spell that all people can do, you do not need to be a Witch or even a seasonal practitioner. Just have faith that it will help you.
Forgiveness is the key
So what is the real secret to healing emotional hurt or serious damage to our being? I would say one word: Forgiveness. What amazes me about the idea of forgiveness is that someone can apologise and you forgive them and their behaviour and that is great. But it does not automatically mean two or more people reconnect, that is a different concept altogether, which changes with the context.
We forgive what has happened to us, for ourselves. To be free from the pain of an experience. To feel the peace that comes with releasing the negative emotions we feel to a person or situation. We do not forgive to make someone else feel better, or to suddenly mend fences, this idea comes after, or not at all.
The phrasing is not the best: "I forgive 'You'". This is about them.
It should say "I forgive how you made me feel". This is about you.
What you can say is "I accept your apology" as you recognise their remorse.
And when you release the emotions of the Shadow self, this is the most common state you will keep falling into - a state of Forgiveness.
Moving forward with meditation, awareness and creativity
To truly nourish the Shadow self, we need to live more solidly in our emotional aspect, acknowledging emotions and allowing them to come and go like waves as we release them, do not take hold and suppress them. We need to treat ourselves to creature comforts and sometimes cravings (But not toxic indulgences), acknowledging our animalistic aspect and basic instinctual needs.
Ideally, meditation should become an integral part of your healing journey, whether or not you are seeking to focus on emotions on that particular day. Allow creativity to flow forward too from this space, as the Shadow self loves the senses, the colours of your art, the chords of your guitar, the tastes of fancy cheese or chocolate.
1. Live in each moment that comes to you with little worry
2. Release every emotion like waves in the sea, be they positive or negative
3. Build strength from your past but also your power to forgive
A third part will soon be available on partnering with your Shadow self. For now, ride those emotions and find peace.
Blessed Be, Mat. XxX
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